I woke up today as I do every morning
The day is grey and dark,
I can hear the rain falling outside in the street
Whist tapping softly on the windows
In my bedroom.
The room is a little cold this morning,
I know because my foot is sticking out
Of the warm quilt.
Today feels different than before,
I just had a flashback of the events that
took place in the night.
In this room
In this bed.
No!! he wouldn’t do that to me,
He knows me! He knows me!
He knows everything about me.
No! No! He wouldn’t do that to me,
After a while of being awake,
Things are still coming back to mind,
I get up, out of my bed,
Which on waking was a warm and safe place,
So I thought,
And in an angry state, I stomped across the
Hallway to the front room.
I pushed the door with such force that
The door hit the wall behind it with a BANG!!!!
He is sitting on the two-seater settee,
Facing the T.V, which is on and showing the weather report for the day and the rest of the week.
As the door bangs on the wall, in a state of fright, he turns around to face me standing at the door,
He is holding his chest on the left hand side
With his right hand and his breathing is rapid,
I ask him,
WHAT WAS THAT?
WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
(Him) LISTEN! I was in need, soo….I took what I needed!
……but we are friends and even then,
WASN’T I SUPPOSED TO BE PRESENT!!!!
I DIDN’T WANT THAT TO HAPPEN BETWEEN US!!!!!
I DIDN’TWANT THAT!!!!!
GET OUT NOW!!!!!!
Without a word he gets up and leaves,
He softly closes the door behind him.
(In the meantime) I am getting dressed.
Pacing the floor, I blamed myself,
If only I haven’t let him stay on my couch,
For the night,
If only I haven’t drank too much,
If only I haven’t took too many puffs of his spliff,
Maybe I could of pushed him off me,
I could have punched him off even.
WHY did I let him stay?
I trusted him, because I trusted him.
HE WOULDN’T TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ME THAT WAY?
BUT HE DID!!!!
We were friends,
He WAS MY FRIEND.
what am I going to do?
I can’t tell anyone,
They warned me about him,
I didn’t listen,
I know it they will say,
‘You should have listened’
Oh! What am I going to do?
I CANT DEAL WITH THIS EMOTION
I DONT WANT TO!
I NEED A DRINK, I NEED A DRINK,
I AM GOING TO GET ONE!
I’M GOING TO THE SHOP I AM GOING TO GET ONE!
I’m tired of fighting, I don’t want to feel like this any more
Being sensible, always doing the right thing,
Well no more, I give myself full permission to do the wrong thing,
I am going to get myself a drink!!
(She leaves the room)
Empty wine bottle on the coffee table, a bin half full with beer cans and a crowded ashtray.
Written by Christal McKay